Sunday, October 30, 2005

I think I'm abit wonky nowadays. MUST BE BAND. hahaha. but i have really wonky lately, hope I switch back to normal again. quite saddening. i was just getting used to normality when CCA had to begin. rah.

Yesterday I went to jill's house. hahahaha. it was so lame la. all squeezed onto her bed and attempted to sleep. hahaha jill and fran do not comprehend the meaning of SLEEP. down there whispering lame jokes to each other. hahahaha.

*hums tunelessly* i'm bored bored bored!! typing nonsense. haha

jie lin got me all into sims 2 again. i'm gonna buy sims 2 university!!!!! yeah yeah!! hahaha!!
You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sleep
I don't even talk to people I mean
And I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
But you must know what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

8:10 PM

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Lol 6 torturous days of not coming onto the computer. sadness. But now I'm back woohoohoo.

Yesterday was the last day of school. Report books were given out. Well, except mine. I was being rather vulgar about it but lets not go there. lol. No one is to be retained in my class. That's very coolness. *smirks* ok only 3/6 people know what the smirk is for so yeah. HAHA.

Sec twos got their streaming results. Just wanna say congrats to you guys who got to the classes you desire. yup. I'm really proud of you guys!! haha 3/6 rocks!! 8 pple from band got into 3/6 YEAH MAN. hahahaha.

I'm lazy to reply comments today. I have a bad tummyache.. =(=(

Lost traditions
I want them back
But they never will
And that's a fact

It's sad to see
What I once so loved
Crumble to pieces
When I took o'er

My passion for it
Was what brought me here.
But I've lost it all
What am I still doing here?

This isn't the same thing
I fell in love with.
Everything's changed
I can't accept it

Sadness overwhelms me
When I see the state of it
I don't know what to do.
I can't control my feelings.
I need a break.
That one month wasn't enough
I need a more permanent one
Can't wait for graduation.

10:49 AM

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Ok i couldn't stand the state of my comment box anymore so I'm here to blog. again. wahahaha. *glares at eunice and fiona*

but anyway. I'm in a rather confused state now. so many things to say. but once again i'm unable to express myself. sadness.

fallen in love with the song "because of you" by kelly clarkson. love love love it heaps. i think the next few entries will have extracts of the song hehe. like that time when I had that short infatuation with the song "masquerade" hoho.

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

5:28 PM


[edit] I'm fasting off the computer for a week. so no blogging. [/edit]

yesterday was quite nice. heees. went to Adlin's place with eunice.. we just kinda sat down and chatted for about 5 hours plus? so nice. didn't feel like going off.. haha.. we laughed alot.. reminisced alot. hmm.

it's amazing how fast time flies. only 5 more days of school. in 2005, we have endured 10 months and 4 weeks of school life, 4 months and 13 days of joyful band life (syf period), 5 months plus of stressful band life and so much more.

This year has been totally memorable for me. Sec 4s told me to enjoy my sec 3 life at the beginning of the year. they said it would be the most enjoyable and memorable. I scoff at the enjoyable part. but memorable, I most definitely agree.

I made new friends, broke up with old. Got close to people i never even expected myself to even associated myself with. Realised how important friends are in ones life. Understood the stress of student leaders.

Indeed alot has happened this year. And I'm keeping these memories with me forever. When school closes, many things are gonna change. If I do drift from friends, I'm not going to regret it. I'm just holding on to the memories I have and I'm never letting go. Maybe I won't be able to make create new memories with these friends but I'm just going to appreciate what I have of them.

People always ask "Would you rather love and be hurt, or never loved at all". My answer will always be the former. Memories are enough for me.

11:32 AM

Friday, October 21, 2005

Oh today was uber fun!! haha! First, mother tongue drills. HAHA. I kinda dropped to band 4. talk about patheticness. But I passed my chinese EOYs! yayness!! woohoo! hahaha. Ya but anyway

Next was rock climbing. hahahahha. DAMN FUN. at first i didn't wanna go cos well, just take it as i was physically unwell. (yeah right) hahaha. but in the end i did do abit of rock climbing and it was so fun la. hahahah. must be the screaming part. i just LOVE to scream. haha. i scraped my elbow. like ouchness. but i didn't even know something happened to it until someone asked me what happened to it. hahahaha. but rock climbing was fun la.. hahaha lets go again during e hols!! whoopies! heh.

We returned to school rather early. then i took a cab home with fiona to get my mouthpiece. damn stupid la I. forgot the file also. dumbness. haha. but was on time for fall in thank goodness. so ya. band was ok.. the beginning part was abit boring. technicals. SIANNESS. haha. but after that we played virginia! SO FUN!!! i love it!!! ooh i missed my instrument so terribly badly!!! hahaha.

tomorrow it's gonna be OUT OUT OUT the WHOLE DAY!!! wheeeeness! hahahahaha.


fran: lol lol yes it might have been you and annurshah. hahaha. might have.
sc: hahahahaha. i can steal it back if you like =) my hp i mean.
xiaomei: OH MAN IT'S CHINESE WTH. haha but nice la =)=)
tiffany: hahaha. wow rare visitor wheeeee!!! honey prawns? okie! hahaha

8:32 PM

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Oh i'm blogging twice in a day HAHAHA. lameness. hehe. k ANYWAY. my legs are dead. hahaha. went rollarblading on tuesday and fell quite embarrassingly a few alot of times. hahaha. Nicole and Su have pictures of me looking like an idiot on the floor. ARGH. hahaha. hm anw from tuesday my legs have been dying.

then yesterday we had a meeting with Miss Chua. HAHA. damn funny. cos my socks were like coloured and in music room must take out shoes. haha so i kinda ran in and quickly sat down then annurshah, fran and jill just threw their bags on my feet to cover the socks. hahahaha. damn funny. then we kinda got bored listening to miss chua so we were down there imitating vanessa's impeccable posture. her back is DAMN straight la. haha.

Then went home and at night went for dinner with nicholas, jill and fran. gosh the dinner was really filling. then we walked around. hahahaha. We were abit high during the walk. hahaha. walked from tanjong pagar to outram mrt and back. hehehehe. i needed to pee like the whole way. hahaha. damn uncomfortable la. plus i was laughing at the stupidest things so my pee was even more you know.. haha. ya but that's why my legs are aching even more la. not the pee, the walk. hahaha.

i sound like such a delinquent, adding "hahaha" and "hehehe" after every sentence. hehehe. SEE. hahahaha. ok shit i gotta stop doing that. haha. *insert eye roll*

So anyway ya. today went to fran's house. hahaha. then had to go tampines to buy stuff. haix more walking. so ya my legs ache even more. hahaha omg i'm getting abit high on nothing again. hahaha. i should stop laughing. HAHA


(see i'm laughinga gain. HAHA)

6:50 PM


Band commences tomorrow. Oh joy oh joy. note the wry and sarcastic tone. Just to let band girls know, Sec 1s - 4Na fall in 2.15pm. Sec Twos having CIP MUST still come for band and had better be there by 5 or you will suffer my unending wrath. muahaha. *insert eye roll here*

Obviously I'm in a very -.- mood today. I think it's cos of last night. I have a HORRIBLE SPLITTING headache now. Ouchness. Going off to Fran's house later i suppose. Need to take a crap first though lol.

I need to organize the band chalet *twitches in agony* yes just the thought of organizing it makes me twitch. Not that I don't want to but it's very taxing for my miniscule brain. Especially after the exams shrank it abit more. So ya.

It's so cold. Well I suppose cold is better than hot. Argh. I feel like just crawling to bed and wrapping myself with layers and layers of blanket. hoho.

Ok I'm going off now cos my head is killing me. *groans*

amandie: yes dear it is. HAHA.
fran: gosh my head REALLY hurts. ouchness.

1:08 PM

Monday, October 17, 2005

gosh i'm not a happy girl today. haha. we had e math paper 2 and it was like so difficult!!!! rah! so pissifying. i'm sure to do badly this round. sadness.. but nvm i have a plan as to what to do if my report book turns out horrifyingly bad. lol lol.

tml is the last day of torture. MT listening and Geog Paper 1. Thought I could slack today but NOOOOO that MISS LIM told us to hand in our CAJ tml. wth. i'm short of about twenty articles? I'm so dead.

oh and plus. the news that we will be having 2 hours of chi every day til e end of term. not that it's terribly bad cos we don't really do much in chi classes. hahahaha. but still the thought of CHINESE. bleargh!

Hmph. Oh man I have loads of stuff to settle *curse and swears* rah rah rah!


beefy: haha yup. i shall look on e bright side =pp thx. =)
su: aw a rainbow? haha i'm touched!! =)
fiona: erm you're here? that's bad. HAHA.
tine: haha!!! go see him another time la!!!
fran: argh. change. argh.
weelyn: haha i love the song too =))

2:48 PM

Sunday, October 16, 2005

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

7:59 PM

Saturday, October 15, 2005

I realise something about myself that I never knew before. I'm very unable to accept change.

Like when i'm close to someone for a period of time.. and then after that that someone drifts away and gets close to someone else, I am unable to accept it. In the past I used to do all i could to get that someone back but now I just wallow in my own misery and do nothing about it but whine and cry. Either way I don't move on until a million years later. My life goes to a standstill and revolves around that one problem. Then other problems set in and don't go away so everything accumulates and accumulates til I breakdown and unwillingly half accept the change and move on. And then it starts again Vicious cycle.

Same goes for the way band is run. I try to follow traditions. I try to meet up to expectations. But I never go beyond. Things never really improve. Like if the progress of band was drawn on a graph it would be a horizontal line. I don't really think that's a good thing.

Like when mr de came, i hated him. Cos it was a major change. Everything was different. And I hated it.

I suppose I just hate change. It has to do with my stubbornness or summat. Maybe that's a part of me that needs to be changed. I don't know. Is it?

Six days to the start of band..
Six days to the continuation of my worries..
Six days to the opening of my masquerade

11:11 AM

Friday, October 14, 2005

I miss band

I miss my instrument

I miss Sir

I miss.. nvm.

lol wasn't that a nice introduction. but i miss band. i was humming virginia just the other day. wtf. haha.

Anw now I'm uber pissed. I wanna go for dinner. but i'm not allowed. *lets out a VERY VERY long and viscousvicious string of curses* SHIT i have GEOGRAPHY in my brain. viscous. wth.

I hate exams. Hate hate hate. confirm die le. sigh. Band begins in exactly a week. My worries are coming back. I feel the pressure again. rah


fran: lol i knew you were sleeping. knew it. haha
sc: lol i haven't saved a cent yet. hahaha. :P i promise not to go out during the hols to save up =))
weelyn: haha. i don't really care if pple read also la =P
steph: neither am i!!! :(:(:( hate geog hate geog hate geog
su: omg i'm really sorry. i really forgot!! =(
fiona: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! =))

5:25 PM

Thursday, October 13, 2005

This isn't really for anyone to read. so shoo.

I stand here
My soul laid bare
Secrets spilled out
I no longer care.

A vase that's broken
Can be glued back
But infinite cracks
It will never again lack.

Likewise the pain in one's heart
Will never go away
Like infinite cracks
The hurt will always stay.

Even with apologies
And grovelling at my feet
I will never forgive you
Forgiveness is a huge feat

The first time that slap hit me
My heart turned to ice.
The second slap that crushed me
Did the same to my heart.

The third striked numbness
I no longer felt the pain
The fourth evoked hatred
It will never go away

That was just the beginning
The tension only climbed
If that wasn't the climax
I'd hate to reach that point.

5:20 PM

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Omg. I'm so going to retain. no question. Well I comfort myself by saying i get to take pure bio. whoop dee doo. but the humiliation of studying with my juniors. i mean no offence to current sec twos but it IS humiliating. Plus I don't even get to graduate next year with my good friends. how suckiness. but i shall be positive. yes i shall *chants* retaining isn't that bad.. retaining isn't that bad.

fuck who am i kidding..


I'm worried sick about my mum.. please Lord, let her get well soon.. I'm worried for my academics, Lord give me the willpower and strength to go on studying.. I'm worried for my friends.. Lord bless them with happiness..

8:14 PM

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Tomorrow the SERIOUS papers begin. *lets out string of curses* I'm so not prepared please. wth. I think these exams are like the most important in my life so far. last year was streaming but i scraped through. this year is definitely not possible to even pass a single thing without studying. I've never been so nervous about exams before. period. and now with so much stuff going on outside of academics. i don't know how i'm going to concentrate on anything. all i can do now, i suppose, is to focus on studying as much as my short attention span can take and try to push all else away. hoho.

Right now I'm praying really hard for everyone to concentrate on their exams. Everyone, and i mean everyone, has more problems during this exam period. talk about fucked up la. hahaha. but just rmb guys, no girl/guy/creature is worth failing exams for. Honestly, no one's bad enough that she fails even after studying right? right. hahaha.

I'm ridding my site of the tagboard tomorrow now. it's more of a hindrance than anything else. people, USE MY COMMENT BOX. thanks yous.

fran: I do not have secret fantasies of you.
haha if you keep insisting i do, I will
reveal your DEEP DARK SECRET. =P
sc: walao! haha. whatever la. DASIWORNEH

eunice: don't be upset by Ac. haha she's just
too free. haha. smiles =)
fiona: i delete le la!!! wa lao! noisiness! haha!

out tml!!

1:28 PM

Friday, October 07, 2005

Jill and Fran chose me to do the stupid 5 quirks thing. and I have no idea what I'm going to pick so this shall be totally impromptu and like all my other entries, make absolutely no sense

[1] I absolutely abhor being told what to do.
Yes. That is such a teenage angsty thing to say but its true. If possible, i hate it more than anyone else does. I don't care if you're an adult or my leader or someone superior. If I don't think you deserve my respect, I'm not gonna listen to whatever you say, no matter what.

[2] I am clueless as to why people believe that by sharing their problems, they are burdening others.
Seriously, friends are there to be there for EACH OTHER. No matter what relationship there is, friendship or BGR or GGR or BBR (?), it is TWO WAYS. so please don't give me stuff like "oh i don't wanna burden you with my problems" honestly, i get more worried when people are clearly disturbed and I'm totally helpless. It hurts more to be helpless and ignorant than to be aware and "burdened".

[3] I am incredibly emotional
I'm not sure if many people know this, but I seem to get emotional real easily. I get touched and hurt and all the jazz alot. just that i don't show it all.

[4] I find having people think me crooked very amusing
Need I elaborate? =p=p

[5] My lifelong dream is to work for disney or SIA.
HAHA isn't that the weirdest.

OK I'M DONE. that was lame. haha but amusing. hahaha k whatever. The people I want to do this five quirks thing are SIEWCHENG, WEELYN and POH HOON. wahaha. especially dasiworneh. WAHAHA.

9:35 PM

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Oh my poor self.... I have been banned off the computer and phone... My social life has been reduced to nothingness... I am DOOMED to loneliness FOR ALL ETERNITY. DOOMED I TELL YOU! DOOMED!!

sigh. farewell my dear blog-readers but MISS ME NOT. for i shall still be seen in school. Sigh sigh. sob sob.

oh whatever, that was abit melodramatic no? haha. anw i have been banned because of my progress card. sadness. but nvm. only 3 weeks more before i can blog again and use msn. unless i sneak of to a friend's house and use their com :P (like now) hoho.

and btw i'm expected to go home straight after sch no matter what too. damn my life sucks. rah. haha.

had eng and chi papers today and yesterday. eng was ok. chi compo was like the shortest i'd ever written. paper two involved THINKING. wtmfh. but nvm la. fail then fail. hahaha. i shall mug like fuck from now on. ho ho ho.

3:06 PM

Sunday, October 02, 2005

omg i'm uber annoyed. stupid msn isn't working!!! #$%$@$^*$%@#$@!!!!! wah lao... stupid msn.. ok nvm *breathes* haha..

anw today was like so boring. spent the whole day at home. hahaha. k not really i went to eastpoint like twice. but eastpoint is like so near la. so yeah.

and thanks for your comments guys. i'll like reply everyone in my entries. it's easier lols.

i'm freaking nervous now.. i'm going to let my dad sign my progress card tonight. yikes!!! this is gonna be bad. hahaha. must pray for me hor! haha. i'm so damn scared now can... argh...

in addition, eoy officially begins TML. fuck. but it's just compo so nvm. BUT i don't know the format for formal writing. fuck fuck fuck. ok i'm getting nervous. i need chocolate!

fiona: not corner than what!!! right smack in the center?? hahaha!
weelyn: haha thanks. you have a nice blogskin too =)
kt: haha i very guai wan hor!!! don't sms during mass de =p=p HAHA.
amandie: haha of course the comment box is better! i thought of it what! haha!
sc: dasiworneh, don't noisy la! hahaha USE MY COMMENT BOX LA complain so much. =p
eunice: erm erm erm cool and fun? you're WEIRD. hahaha
gen: haha erm.. blah! to you too. hahaha.

7:41 PM

Saturday, October 01, 2005

[edit] I've just added my archives and changed stuff so that only on entry appears. if you get what i mean. but i do'nt really get what i myself mean so i don't blame you if you don't either. haha. wth am i saying? whatever. lols.

and i've just been cheated. my "cheese crackers" have no cheese. asshole manufacturer [/edit]

hahaha it is moulting time! everyone is changing their skins HAHA. oh man i'm so lame. HAHAHA. anw my puny tagboard space was pissing me off so now i have a COMMENT BOX. just click on the italic word "white" or "grayscale - ?" yeah. hahaha. fun-ness

i don't know what to blog about. it's like after my hiatus I have lost the ability to blog adequately. hahaha. diao.

oh man exams starting on monday. like wth? i've hardly studied la. scared retain. sighs.. maybe i should study seriously. ok not maybe, i definitely. lols. i studied abit today.. haha. like WOWNESS. but not alot. haha.

went for holy trin youth mass. could feel a little of God's presence. but only like a bit for the beginning part.. after that... it was like nothing. sian. haha. olps more fun can. hahaha. gosh i'm damn hungry now. shall have a midnight snack before going to bed. yeah. haha. anw i think the mass was disappointing. it was so confusing and disorganized. haha lets pray no holy trin people come here. olps still better. plus olps we have lots of space to walk around when we get bored. holy trin.. nothing. sian la. hahaha

see what i mean by i'm losing my ability to blog adequately? i do'nt even know what im' typing. haha all rubbish. whatever

note: please leave a comment. hehe. unless you are like siewcheng and think it's fun to scroll from left to right for my tagboard. lols.

11:31 PM

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I don't like tagboards. wahaha.




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